We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
