In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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