I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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