Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
