My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
