I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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