I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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