yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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