So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
