I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
