yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
