let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
