so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
