quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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