i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
