dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
