She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
