fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
