I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
MIDGETS
????
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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