I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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