Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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