Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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