girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
