I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize