ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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