Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
