I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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