I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
