so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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