Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
