Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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