pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
