Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
