i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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