I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
