Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
