True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
