dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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