Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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