i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize