Don't you send me to vm
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
