Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
