I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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