I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize