I accidentally burped into my bong.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize