dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
