Dual....:-)
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
