I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
