your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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