So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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