I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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