think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
