The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
