His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
