I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize