we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
