I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
