I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
