There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
