I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
