This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Even my vagina gasped.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
