I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I forget how to act sober
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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