Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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